Uh Yeah Like Idk
by greatgooglymoogly88
Summary: uh.
1. Chapter 1

_Hi. Sorry I haven't been posting stories lately. I just started school last week and the classes I'm taking are way too hard. Ugh. Anyway, I decided this was a good idea. I was dared to write a fic on a show/anime/whatever that I know nothing about and to just guess along. So, I'm writing a story about Free!. This is a joke. Please realize that before you yell at me. _

* * *

__My name is Haruka and I get off on swimming.

Like really. I'm aquasexual. This means I am sexually attracted to water. Who wouldn't be? It's so blue and...well, uh, sexy I guess. So I swim. Because that way I can be in the water and fondle it's sexy waves and ripples and shit.

So uh yeah here comes my homosexual friend Makoto and my even more homosexual loli boy Nagisa. We used to swim together on a swim team or whatever.

"What up, water molester?" Makoto greets enthusiastically. I waved back nonchalantly because I am just so cool.

"It's not molestation. It's totally consensual." Water likes me.

Water and I have a special relationship. I often dream of marrying a swimming pool and raising a nice family of little buckets with it. We'd buy a nice house in the suburbs and send our little buckets to a prestigious academy. Their names would be A-ron and Shaquesia. Hell yeah.

So uh yeah like Nagisa is a slut or something. That sounds about right.

K I'm bored.


	2. Water Sexy Times or whatever

_I read part of the Wikipedia article. I am now an expert._

* * *

I was lapping lazily through the sexually sexy sex ocean waves on a cool summer night. The moon shone a peaceful white glint on the water's surface, so clear and bright that I could see the reflection of the the stars. It was absolutely beautiful. I felt the water slip teasingly through my fingers. Raising a brow, I looked down at the cool ocean around me. It seemed to call me, a coquettish expression on its non-face. I gave in easily to the temptation, lowering myself into the waves so my whole face was covered in it's arousing liquidiness.

I felt the cool rush of salt water between my legs, giving me an insta-erection. Like, bam bam there he is. Pop goes the weasel-style. The water didn't mind, it seemed to giggle at my frenzy and swish around my body faster. I felt my lower body tighten up, blood pooling near my nether regions. A blush crept up my pale cheeks, but I was totally into this.

"Let's get frisky," I whispered gruffly to the ocean, winking as I did so. I removed my swimming trunks and emerged myself deeply into the water.

Water sex is a pretty complicated procedure. I won't waste my time trying to explain a man's love for salty liquid. But anyway, we did the nasty, the wild thang, the coitus if you will. It was hot.

And then she got pregnant with little water buckets. We named them Shaquesia and A-ron.

The End.


	3. Super Sexy Rap Battle

_I'm not sorry for this_

* * *

One day I forgot to turn off my swag and woke up covered in salt water.

So uh yeah like I was on my way to school with my homo buddies Makoto and Nagisa when this bitch Rin comes up and is all like:

"I heard you was talkin shit." I gave him an incredulous look because like we hadn't seen him since we were 10 or whatever. He looked totally different, but still had the same stupid purple haircut.

"Your hair is stupid," I shot back. Now I had some real shit to talk. I wasn't about to let some bro disrespect me in my hood. I had a rep to keep up with, as the supreme gangsta thug. If anyone saw this bro try to intimidate me, I'd lose my street cred.

Rin gave me a hateful look and sneered, "Your hair is _stupider." _I smirked, swerving at this mofo.

"b-b-b-b-b-b-bitch!" I bellowed, getting into rap battle mode. This was cause for some serious rhyme nasties. That's the only way to settle a dispute, other than a swim-off.

I cleared my throat, clearing my posse back as a crowd formed, eager for me to drop a sick beat on this scrub's face-stub.

_"You always comin to me_

_talkin loads of shit_

_how do you talk so much_

_with a mouth full of dick_

_I'm tired of yo ass_

_hangin round my block_

_how do you move so much_

_with an ass full of cock_

_Rin, Rin, Rin_

_wish i could say this was fun_

_but I got two friends with me_

_and how much you got? noone."_

Resonations of 'ooohs' could be heard, everyone flabbergasted by my sick rhymes. Rin looked troubled, taking a step back. "You a o anyway," he muttered, walking away. I flicked him off, smirking all the while.

* * *

_Yes I got the rap from Keisha Fabo 3, okay? Whatever. _

_I still don't understand Free!_


	4. The Long Awaited Final Chapter

moist.


End file.
